Pregnancy Funny

I know this blog has become my pregnancy therapy (constant complaining) but I have some funny stories. If you know my "stories" you are well aware sometimes I pull a Big Curtis and "embellish" details to get a bigger laugh. Pregnancy has given my imagination a break and these are 100% true and FUNNY!

1. My Dreams
Green Gummy Bear- I dreamed I had the baby and it was real baby size but a green jiggly gummy bear. Lauren kept saying "MADDIE WHAT DID YOU DO!!!" So at work we refer to the baby as the Green Gummy

Pants- Christy gave me all her old maternity clothes (LIFE SAVER) in this stack were a pair of brown pants that were awesome. Low rise, skinny legged and didn't make me look like a tank. In August the went missing. I accused Lauren MANY times of stealing them and Jared was perplexed how I lost a pair of pants... Did I take them off somewhere and come home in my undies??? Last week they turned up in his closet under his jeans stack! I dreamed that I walked into the bedroom and he had them on. When I asked him why he gave me a irritated look and snapped "WHAT!!! You wear my clothes now all the time!" He didn't think it was as funny when I told him about it...

20lbs- I had a dream that I get to the L&D floor of the hospital and the doctor says, well, we think the baby weights about 20 lbs so we are going to just do a c-section (I am petrified of one anyway) Then the Dr apologized for letting her get so big and off I go to surgery. Weirdest part- I had to have on a Bio Hazard suit... So they deliver the baby and I can't touch her with my skin or see her very well from the chemical suit. Isn't that strange???? But after the c-section the Dr said Sorry again! My mistake she only weights 6.5 lbs, we did all this for nothing! ha ha. There was no laughing from inside the bio chemical suit...

2. The Belly
Mirrors- At the mall Saturday I passed a floor to ceiling mirror and just stopped and stared. At this point, its funny. Its a jumbo beach ball under my shirt. I was just staring and my Mom asked what I was looking at and I yelled, I don't know but this is not my body!!! And just kept repeating "Seriously" over and over. It was funny trust me.

Ice Belly- I fell asleep the other day and my shirt got wedged at the top of the belly during the nap. I don't have much temperature feeling in it at this point. I went to the bathroom and the bottom part of my belly hit the top part of my legs and WOW!!! BELLY WAS COLD! It was such a SHOCK that my skin was like ice and I didn't know it till it hit my legs. Major shock at 2am.

The Belly Wave- The kid seriously is huge and at this point could be a gymnast. I have a foot under one rib and broad Culwell shoulders below my belly button. They all move at once looking like the ocean. It makes me laugh when I am not watching it and see it "Waving" out of the corner of my eye.

Other than that I am hanging in with a sinus infection. If I work till this Wednesday I wont have to come back till after Spring Break. If I work through NEXT Wednesday (which with my luck will happen) I wont have to come back till AFTER the Britney Concert! Already got the babysitter (Sugar and Curtis) reserved!